Testosterone at its finest

Friday I was riding my bike South down Pine Tree Drive after the rain had stopped. I’m dodging puddles, mud, and slippery wet grates, and so I’m farther from the right curb then I normally would be, but no worries — there are two lanes going in every direction, and the namesake pines give the road a relaxed sort of mood. Suddenly comes honking from behind me. Incredulous, I turn around, flip off some asshole in a silver sports/luxury car, and move farther over into the lane, just to make it perfectly clear that I have a right to be where I am and he needs to back off or get over and pass.

Dude chooses the latter, then merges over and proceeds to mess with me by braking in front of me, fist slowly and then when that doesn’t particularly faze me, sharply. I move over to pass him on the left (the rest of the cars have passed now) he moves over too, cutting me off. I then stay on the left side of the left lane. There’s a big median with those big pine trees, and now I’m not really letting his shenanigans get to me he, unwilling to actually run me off the road, speeds off.

As it happens the red light up ahead is a long one, and I pass him again, zipping by his driver’s side window and shooting him a dirty look. I run the red light but now I’m in a bit of a dilemma, with no good idea of what this guy is going to do when he gets a second chance to pass me. I move over to the sidewalk for the next block. Sure enough, he slows on passing me.

“That’s more like it,” yells he.

“You’re a real tough guy against a bike, asshole,” yell I back at him.

And he zips off. Good times. At Washington Avenue I cross a bridge that’s under construction and closed to cars, and I’m almost home, crossing another intersection when a car standing at the red light on the cross street pulls a few feet out into the pedestrian cross walks and honks a few times. I’m light wtf, but then I look up, and it’s the same dude, who I guess had to go the long way, except now he’s suddenly my buddy, smiling and giving me a thumbs up. I give him a quick nod and I’m gone. Whatev’s.

6 thoughts on “Testosterone at its finest

  1. It makes me want to design a bikers utility belt (think Batman) that would contain lethal tire shreading tacks what would fuck up car tires and smoke bombs in addition to a flashing LED scrolling light that would say BACK OFF MOTHERFUCKER! or THANK YOU depending on the situation.

  2. That sounds like a perfect ocassion for my patented fold-in-the-right-side-mirror. Or the loogie on the widshield (only used that one once and sped away before finding out if he was a CCP holder).

    The tacks doesn’t sound like a bad idea either.

  3. it’s “bear with me”, unless you are inviting your readers to get naked with you.

  4. All you need is some porcelain.
    Take an old spark plug and crack it with a hammer a couple of times. One little chip against the windshield will have that windshield FUBAR!

    Some people are just assholes!

  5. Wow, I have to remember the mirror trick, that’d have been PERFECT.

    Thanks for stopping by, folks.

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